BIRTH BASHING

Wow, so i just cant stand it anymore!!!!! i have to get it off my chest and my husband is tired of hearing me complain about it...

Excerpt from Anitra's webster
Birth bashing: when moms in the presence of a newly expecting mom/wife who is looking forward to having a child, talk about the worst birthing stories they have had or have heard from a friend

Man oh MANNNNNN does this make me mad

I have strong opinions about child birth and i tend to keep them to myself because one part of my opinion is there is no wrong way... this requires more explaining, but i will get to that later

Let me lay out the scenario:

Newly expecting first time mom sitting around chatting what lady's love to chat about

Experienced mom, starts in with: well i cant live without an epidural...in fact it is physically impossible for me to have a baby without one

another experienced mom chimes in: yeah my second child took 35 hours of laboring and i had to have 3 epidural 5 rounds of pitocine and then a c section because something to do with my physiology

first time mother looks scared so other mothers assure her she will be fine, as long as she doesn't have a home birth because she had a friend that almost died because her midwife was terrible

then another mom not to be outdone by these first stories starts talking about her terrible birth and how terrible the after pain was, and how her episiotomy was this and her d&c was that and how her body will never be the same and so on and so forth

End scenario

i am guilty of talking birth, i have bashed a few hospitals and nurses in my day, but never have i ever ever told anyone especially not a 1st time pregnant mom that birth is a horrible thing

I believe you should do what you think necessary to have your baby, every one is different and every one has their preferred or ideal birth... it is totally up to you what you want/need to do to get your little miracle out with the least bit of damage possible to your body or your baby

But I also believe that 98% percent of women can do it without meds and especially without surgical intervention

I cant stand hearing an expecting mom say, "that sounds terrible" or  even "wow" or that look they get on their faces like what have i gotten myself into

i try to interject most of the times with... "its not that bad" and "you can do it without meds" but as soon as i start with the "well i did it three times without meds" i get those looks/eye rolls from the other moms, or the sly remarks like "well aren't you lucky"

Gosh i am not saying it because i want every one to think i am some super birther(though it is surprising how fast third baby's come out) i just want the conversation to go differently

Better Scenario:

Mom one says "oh you are expecting, how wonderful, i have this great midwife, and my birth was difficult but worth it"

Next mom "having your first baby is kinda scary cause you don't know what to expect, but you are going to kick but cause you are awesome"

Expecting mom "wow i hope so but i just am nervous cause i see such scary things on tv"

Other moms "tv blows it out of proportion, it really isn't that dramatic , i mean it is hard but if we couldn't do it then we wouldn't be here with 4 kids"

Me "just do what you think is right for you and your baby"

other moms agree and say comment on how worth it it is "the first time you see those little eye looking at you and your heart swells and you know that this is what maternal love feels like"

end scenario

So not as dramatic and kinda gushy, there is no reason why you cant punch it up with the funny stuff and maybe a "baby got stuck in one position" or "yes i had a c section but that happens sometime" but do we really need to scare the pants off of our new mothers NO

last time this happened( a few nights ago) i couldn't take it any more... i threw in a bunch reasoning phrases of: don't listen to hers and every loves dramatic stories, a couple of you can do anything you wants  and sited some books... and stormed out and went home... frankly i am sick of hearing about dramatic birth stories

Here is my birth stories:

With every baby, all i wanted was for the dumb doctors to leave me alone so i can push my baby out... they cant keep their stupid hands off of you in the hospital so i spend most of my time telling them to leave me alone(the first two birth i was used as a training guide for new doctors, the lure of crazy hippy mom was too good to pass up i guess, and i am actually glad of it... this is what a real birth looks like NEWBS you can do it without epidurals and forceps), and then the contractions turn to that feeling of needing to push and i give it hell(probably more than i should cause i always pop blood vessels in my face) and have a baby and they are beautiful, and then they are whisked away quicker than i can spit instead of letting me just love and feed my new little delight... and they totally are a delight those first few weeks, when they eat sleep and poop... life is simple and their needs are simple and they are so wrinkles and cute... yes it is tiring and you feel like a zombie but it doesn't last forever... so this one i need to have at home so i can ensure that ALL my desires are met, i don't want the cord cut, i don't want the placenta yanked out, i don't want the baby to have a bath(until i can give her one), i want to cuddle her warm, without the use of those ridiculous incubator beds gosh i just want to do it how i feel i need to do it!!!!!!

i don't personally think that my story would scare any moms into having medical intervention... and if it did than i would keep my trap shut!!

So in a nut shell... America, and humans in general, thrive on drama, and bringing life into this world doesn't have to be dramatic, and i want old moms to stop scaring new moms, gosh there are so many other things to complain about ( like boobs, and wrinkles, and men) why do we focus on birth!!!

now i must go cook dinner... good bye

A Turning Point?

Well today i felt nauseated all day long... but just mildy!!! a mild persistent nausea with no vomiting and no meds. i am feeling hopeful

I even cleaned the entire house... took me about 8 hours! I am feeling like myself again and that is a good thing. Having a mental fog is something that you dont really understand until you have it. And mental fog is the exact way to describe it. I feel like today the fog has lifted and i can almost think clearly! i even think my kids noticed that i was feeling better and they had a good day too! :~)

** edit **
this morning i woke up in bad shape!!

threw up twice today, and have generally felt like crappola(thats a word)

soooooo NO not a turning point

i hate me :(

Still sick... at 13 weeks

I will be celebrating 13 weeks this Sunday, and it wont be including any happy dances... i am still sick!!!

It has been more than miserable, and that is even after i have zofran in the mornings and unisom at night...WILL IT EVER STOP!!!!

i try to take comfort in knowing that:

-I am not the only one
-Sick me means healthy baby
-it should be over soon
-it will be worth it in the end
-i have a supportive and understanding husband
-i only throw up once a day(some times none if i fight it really hard)
-chocolate makes me sick so i dont have to worry about those calories
-... thats all i can come up with right now

There is a little hint of good news! there is a little hint of belly :) squeee

i dont know why having the belly is important to me, i think what it is, possible that me looking miserable is validated by my noticeable "with child" look

Today i have to do some late afternoon shopping, which is always a delight ::rolls eyes:: due to my being most sick at nights, starting around 5:00... yes crisis hour! Crisis hour is when i feel sickest hurray for my family, mom is down and out at the exact time when we need her most!!

Today i realized this may be my last child, not sure if i am happy or sad about that :/

I cant keep putting my family through the misery of pregnancy... it honestly takes a toll on every one!!

made an appointment today

Today i made a "12"week appointment with my midwife

This will be the first actual check up of my fourth pregnancy

Next week is going to be super dee duper busy with swim lessons and still watching weston and brynnleigh in the afternoons, so i told her the week after next ould be best, and she remonded me that she will be having a baby that that time, so she asked if we could push it to the next week, so my 12 week appointment will take place when i am 14 weeks... Fingers crossed that i will become UNSICK in the next few days or week!!!!!

yay for second trimester bliss!!! oh how i long for it!!!

Also i was looking into birthing with a placenta previa (since First daughter had diagnosed parcial previa that spotaneously moved at like 35 weeks allowing for a birth au natural) i came across a lot of "you will die's" and stuff of that sort.... but as i was searching through forrums and blogs, i read a few acronyms that i did know UP'ers and UC'ers

So the wild goose chase of finding out what uppers and university of california goers share acromyns with started............... much filtering later i became inlightened Unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth. WOW as much as i want to, i think probably a little TOO crunchy for me.  not so much the birth and pregnancy part, for the most part i just like being left alone, i prefer to not be touched and to just do my own thing anyhow, and it is usually so fast that it doesnt matter who is there. But after wards i dont really have the confidence in my self to asses if my baby is perfect or not.

Let me explain... baby come out: i can get the is baby breathing, is she pink, is she warm, is she hungry parts.... but what about other stuff!?!  i dont even know what could go wrong enough to tell if something IS going wrong... ya feel me!?!  i guess the point is moms instinct should take over and you know what is good and bad with your baby, but for me it is reasuuring to have some one who has seen this many many times more than i, to say "every thing looks perfect" and i am going to stick with that.

At least for this baby...

hipshift kick, ballchange, kick

I am no dancer.... but wht are my hips shifting so MUCH!???????

I feel like a total freak walking like a heavily pregnant woman, and there is absolutley no sign of the baby inside, ugh

Step shift, step shift....stop grimmace, step shift, stop take a breath... try to walk like i tight ass.... step shift, grimmace... sit down and pout :(  do it over again!!

And you can just forget pushing a shopping buggy **sigh**

Somedays it isnt so bad, but on the days that i cant help it regardless of how stupid i walk, i just feel like crying, my pelvic bone rubbing like two stones trying to start a fire every time i walk is unbearable and i am not sure what i was thinking getting pregnant again!!!!! stupid stupid STUPID!!!

okay well i just freaking love babies!!!! but still there aint nothn' beautifull about my pregnancies until that baby come out... but oh how cute they are :)

even sitting in a chair is like torture... its fine at first, but then i start getting the ache in my pelvic bone and know i have sat too long (5-10 minutes) so husband has to help me stand up... and it is like breaking in half shooting pain and burning and i sometimes black out if it is too bad... what have i gotten myself into ::ahhhhhhh::

speaking of sitting to long... i should probably get up from this computer

That got around QUICK

Trust mormon ladies to spread the News of a new pregnancy, like laughing cow cheese on a club cracker (not the best analogy but i am hungry for cheese spread, and club crackers)

I sit down in our pew, some how making it there on time (first time in like MONTHS) and we hang out quietly getting settled and then jill sits down in front of me... looks down at my somewhat thickening waist and says "baby is starting to show"

Wow i was shocked, like actually and truley caught off guard!!! that was so stinking fast!!!! She was so sure of herself too, like not a question like, i heard you are expecting, but like wow hey fatty look at your pudge showing LOL

We are somewhat close friends, when i am not as busy and as sick as i have been, so i wasnt offended by her comment, just rendered speachless by the thought of gossip speeding from phone line to phone line fast than i can spit... still the shock is lingering

I said "oh, ::pause look down put hand on pudge:: yeah i guess so, ::sheepish smile:" then the usual berage of questions: when are you due(jan), how have you been feeling (lies about how i have been a little sick, i just dont feel right saying... I AM DYING, DYYYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG throw up lots of it ZOFRAN, DYING.... how would our conversation continue after that haha) Are you hoping for a boy or girl (oh i know it is a girl) followed by accusing eyes of you are nuts for assuming you just know haha

Man i hope baby is a girl because i have told every one how we just know it is a girl... wont i feel dumb after being so self assured lol

the rest of church was the same thing every time i smiled at/passed anyone "in the know" so every one

oh yeah then after the usuall barage, the recount of all the pregnant ladies in the ward...

 i love being LDS it is always exiting, even the most mundane of things... not that pregnancy is mundane but still

the cat is out of the bag

Tonight at a relief society event (food storage iron chef) i let the cat out of the bag!

I has been so hard to keep it a secret, for obvious reasons like me being sick as a dog (what a dumb phrase) and also because every one in the Primary presidency is pregnant "except for anitra" wells now we all know come the new year the baby poop will hit the fan(that was dumb too but what evs)

Me and a few other ladys were listening to a quite pregnant friend talk about her escapades during this (her Fifth) pregnancy and we were passing around a sweet little 1 month old girl another friend had brought to the party, and they started chatting about how every one in the primary pregnancy is pregnant... started naming them and guessing how far along they were, and then i chime in, "and me, i am 10 weeks" ::nod and bashful smile::

OH congrats, this makes how many!?!  FOUR, half smile and a looming look of doom. haha

And that was it, i am not sure how long it will take to get around but now it is out  ::shewwwww::

Glad to get it off my chest