ITs a ______!

We made it to Louisiana in about 22 hours!

Husband Drove straight through, he's a trooper!!

The next morning we went and got our box of balloons!

My folks pulled the camper to Sam Houston.

Husband took a nap in the shade

Baby 3, also rested for a split second in the shade!

no he is not asleep haha.

All the family and some friends arrived!

We all stood around to watch the kids open the box.

Daddy had made a bet with the kids... if pink balloons come out and we are having a girl, daddy gets a back massage.

If blue balloons come out and we are having a boy, daddy gets a back massage.

The kids agreed, and the tape was torn off, and...

Its A GiRL!!!

Every one is happy and we all go eat!!

About two hours later Baby Two is sitting next to me, he looks at me surprised and says

"the balloons were pink!"

I said yes they were

He says "we are having a GIRL!!" as if he just realized what that meant

And i said yes we are!

And he smiles very sweet and goes about with what he was doing!

LOVE IT

nothing good ever comes from an ultrasound

Well we had the ultrasound... and i know what we are having... but i wont tell you until we have the big reveal ;)

It was a quite lengthy sonogram, i thought about this a bit while there, but assumed as technology gets better the list of things to check get longer... well i should have known otherwise.

The next day my midwife came over for my appointment, and informed me that there was some issues that the tech had found on our little baby ______.

First off, there is a cyst in baby's brain, which is a soft marker for a few syndromes, like all the trisomy syndromes. But she also informed me that it usually goes away without a problem.

Next thing, i have a high level of amniotic fluid. She tells me not to worry about it, but says the radiologists pointed it out to her to make sure she saw it.

Finally, my baby's kidneys are enlarged. we didn't touch much on this subject, she just said its on the high side of normal...

So she reassured me that this wont conflict with my plans for a home birth, but that i should have another ultrasound in about 10 weeks

After she left i was pretty devastated... not that there was something wrong more because now i know there is problems and there is nothing i can do about it except worry.

Which is exactly what i did... i spent the next 4 hours sitting on the couch researching all of the things she told me about... as a single thing each problem wouldn't be a big deal, but together they are three markers for trisomy 18

I saw the tech looking for clenched hands for a long long time, she even told me that she wanted a picture of the hands opening, and we did eventually see the hands open, and there didn't seem to be rocker feet, though i could have swore i saw an extra toe( but i didn't say anything assuming i was just being paranoid, after having a baby with a deformed foot) the nose and head looked fine, but who says that baby's at 20 week have to show markers already...

I have convinced myself that the cyst isn't a problem, i read some literature about how the cysts are so common they are considering to take them off of the scan requirements because they really usually mean nothing.

But as it turns out kidney problems and amniotic fluid levels are a package deal... so this is what i have been dwelling on, if my little _____ doesn't have trisomy 18 then he/she will have kidney problems! The symptoms of higher amniotic fluid are: unusual abdominal discomfort, increased back pain, shortness of breath, and extreme swelling in your feet and ankles. All except the swelling (though i have swollen a little) i have been having problems with... when i read the symptoms to husband you could see that they were spot on cause he has been hearing me complain about not being able to breath and how bad my belly hurts from the stretching, and the stretch marks that have already cropped up, my back hurting all the time... things that shouldn't be a problem this early on... in fact i am pretty sure i blogged about most of these symptoms... turns out it isn't a 4th baby thing it is a problem in utero thing:(

So i should be packing for my trip home, but instead i am sitting here crying. 

I should be more prepared for bad news because second baby was the only normal ultrasound we have had thus far... First baby was going to have downs(she is perfectly fine), third baby was going to have trisomy 13 (came out just a foot/leg malformation) and now this baby has what seems like bigger problems. Because it isn't just ONE thing this time, it is a group of things and i am older and it just seems more probable, especially since i have been worrying about this exact thing since we were surprised by this pregnancy.

I shouldn't have had an ultrasound... next time i wont. then i could continue having a wonderful pregnancy full of unnamed discomforts but as far as i know a healthy baby_____!

I just cant make up my mind!!

It is three more days until my ultrasound appointment... and i SAID i was going to have a reveal party... but i just cant stand the wait!!!

I have already talked to my family about it, they somewhat thought it was a good idea, not to enthusiastic about the 4th baby...

Its not really going to be a party, more like a "get together with family and we also find out if it is a girl or boy"...  so not much planing involved

But then again i just really really want to know NOW.

I am sure after i find out i will be rather sad about not having waited to have a gender reveal with the family.

So i guess i should just get over it, and wait... grrrrrrrrrrr..... i just want to know!!!!

to be continued...

almost back on track

As my pregnancy sickness subsides, and my clarity returns,  i realize that i am way way behind schedule on my duties... it has taken a good 3-4 weeks to get back to that point in the household chores where i feel somewhat comfortable.

Now i can wake up, and make breakfast, then CLEAN THE KITCHEN, woooohooooo!!

Now i can fold laundry and have the kids help put it up WITHOUT yelling and then throwing up,  yyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!

i can vacuum every few days, with sweeping in between... no more dirty bare feet, yipppppppyyyyyy!!!!!

i feel like my self again, and like i am living/almost thriving in my OWN house.

This feeling of equilibrium comes with the harsh realization that it will not last long... as soon as this baby comes i will be right back too, long hauls of no house work, dotted with short bursts of sporadic cleaning(that doesn't get much accomplished anyways).

I am hoping that i will have my renovations on the upstairs done enough before hand, to do my pre baby deep cleaning so that, that nice clean house feeling lasts longer than a few days :/

On another good note... today is my last day of full time baby sitting... i feel like jumping for joy!!!!!

I know I have been monster Mommy for the past 3-4 months. throwing up, baby sitting other people kids, the step son moving in for a few months... and now today marks the end of all of that, and honestly the tears are close! I can't wait to hold my three babies and tell them how great they are, and then tell them we can have this time to ourselves from now on, "i am just YOUR mommy" no more Mrs. Anitra... no more activities and lunches planned for the masses, we can have what WE like to eat, and do what WE like to do, and not hear complaining and whining all day long!!!!

Its not the kids fault that they hate every thing that we like, that is just the consequence of watching another families children, especially for a family that is on the opposite spectrum of society from us!

I am just having a good morning, and to make it even better (or i don't know maybe it will make it turn for the worse) i am about to start on a quilt for my best friends wedding. 

yay for back to almost normal!!

Lopsided

Since the first few weeks i have noticed a lump on the right side of my lower abdomen... now that my uterus is protruding from my pelvis, i have noticed that the right side is larger and slightly harder than the left side. Back when it was pain and a lump, i had an ultra sound, and there was nothing there.

Now i wonder if there was more to it than the ultrasound showed. A few days ago i experience pain like i had never felt in a pregnancy before, like i had a pulled muscle right on my uterus (it happened while doing laundry) i lasted all day, and for the better part of the day i couldn't move more than just walking from one seat to another. The pain slowly subsided and left me quite sore.

Well now i don't know what to think about my lopsided baby bump... all i get from a google is forums, and those sometimes are good for nothing. A bunch of women saying they are experiencing the same thing... but one could google still birth and get a ton of forums on people having experience this, so in my opinion forums don't help much in these situations.

I did run across one site (from a forum) and i believe it explains my lopsided tummy, and puts my mind at ease.

How the uterus grows and pushes your organs is amazing!!!!

It explains : The enlargement of the uterus during this week is greatest at the site of the placental attachment (usually on the front or back wall), so the uterus has an asymmetrical bulge.


I am willing to accept that! Also on the site is more information to support non medical birth than one could ever possibly wish for!! It is all unbiased and backed with resources,  research or the explanation of not enough research (interesting how many "medical interventions" don't have any research to say it is safer than the natural way).

Also i am going to order a book for my dear husband, "The Birth Partner"... weather he reads it or not is up in the air. I don't need a coach, i have had three births... but it would be nice if he could be having things ready for me as i need them, like warm towels, bowl for placenta, maybe even be confident enough to catch his own child.

Whilst "looking inside the book" on amazon, i found out that my super fast births are actually a condition... just like slow to get started labor, rapid labor, is something that happens to unsuspecting women, and apparently the way i reacted to it was as expected. HAHA Disbelief at how fast the baby is coming, Shock at the amount of pain that has suddenly mounted, Anger toward the birth attendants, lol, completely normal!

Weight Gaining Delima

One way to ensure i gain way to much weight this pregnancy is NEEDING to eat or i will throw up. I believe that my pregnancy sickness is finally waning, but it comes with stipulations: Eat or Vomit

Its an easy decision right? Eat, or vomit... eat or be completely and utterly miserable whilst also throwing up your stomach fluids.

Its not that easy though. First off, with the busy summer schedule that i have bestowed upon myself, it is all but impossible to be eating all the time. Diapers, swim, boo boo's, messes, nosy children, field trips, cleaning, whining, more diapers. Some where in there i not only have to find time to eat, but also find something to eat(that is an even larger problem, being as i can't stand the sight or smell of most every thing)

There is another caveat. A shallow issue to most, but an important issue to me. I like being skinny. I always gain weight in a weird way for pregnancies and i just don't like the way i look or feel... My face gains weight before anything else and my back(not my butt) gets thicker, and then my everything else gains weight.

 Most pregnant women gain enough to fill out their pregnancy clothes in their non pregnant size, and then complain about losing pregnancy weight. Well ladies and gents(or all ladies i guess) i gain enough to fill out my non pregnant sized pregnancy clothes and then go up two sizes by the end (not just because my belly gets bigger) I start off to small for my extra small pregnancy clothes and wind up in a medium by the last month or so. Not only is this bad for my psyche, but also my pocket book... by now,  yes i have the sizes to cover my intense weight gain up to the end of my pregnancy... but i also have to have the clothes to cover my weight loss from a size 11 back to a size 2... not as easy on my pocket book.

I knew a lady in college that was quite small like i am(about 15 lbs smaller acutally), and she had 5 kids and she would gain 100 lbs every child!!!! and then lose it all again... that wasn't her being lazy or anything, that was just how her body handled pregnancy... so i am not as bad off as i could be, but me starting the pregnancy off having to EAT constantly to keep myself well enough to function isn't doing myself any good :(

Baby Names!!

After much deliberation (i guess not that much a few texts) the names have been decided

For a girl: Miranda Jane

For a boy: Henry Asher

The girl name has been decided for long before i was pregnant, but the boy name has come as quite a surprise to me. I had my heart set on Torbin Asher, and the hubs thought that was a terrible name. Me, being the stubborn person that i am, rather than looking for a name that husband likes, i have been spending my time trying to convince him that Torbin is awesome.

Then Yesterday he sends me a text that says Henry Asher... at first i laugh because he has been trying to convince me of Henry since first baby, because he wants to give him the nick name of Hank (not going to happen) But after i laughed i realized how good it really sounds this time... It isnt that the name Changed any, i guess it has been my tastes that have changed, and i like it

I like it so much that i almost want this baby to be a boy, so we can have a little Henry!

But i also still really want a girl!