A Turning Point?

Well today i felt nauseated all day long... but just mildy!!! a mild persistent nausea with no vomiting and no meds. i am feeling hopeful

I even cleaned the entire house... took me about 8 hours! I am feeling like myself again and that is a good thing. Having a mental fog is something that you dont really understand until you have it. And mental fog is the exact way to describe it. I feel like today the fog has lifted and i can almost think clearly! i even think my kids noticed that i was feeling better and they had a good day too! :~)

** edit **
this morning i woke up in bad shape!!

threw up twice today, and have generally felt like crappola(thats a word)

soooooo NO not a turning point

i hate me :(

Still sick... at 13 weeks

I will be celebrating 13 weeks this Sunday, and it wont be including any happy dances... i am still sick!!!

It has been more than miserable, and that is even after i have zofran in the mornings and unisom at night...WILL IT EVER STOP!!!!

i try to take comfort in knowing that:

-I am not the only one
-Sick me means healthy baby
-it should be over soon
-it will be worth it in the end
-i have a supportive and understanding husband
-i only throw up once a day(some times none if i fight it really hard)
-chocolate makes me sick so i dont have to worry about those calories
-... thats all i can come up with right now

There is a little hint of good news! there is a little hint of belly :) squeee

i dont know why having the belly is important to me, i think what it is, possible that me looking miserable is validated by my noticeable "with child" look

Today i have to do some late afternoon shopping, which is always a delight ::rolls eyes:: due to my being most sick at nights, starting around 5:00... yes crisis hour! Crisis hour is when i feel sickest hurray for my family, mom is down and out at the exact time when we need her most!!

Today i realized this may be my last child, not sure if i am happy or sad about that :/

I cant keep putting my family through the misery of pregnancy... it honestly takes a toll on every one!!

made an appointment today

Today i made a "12"week appointment with my midwife

This will be the first actual check up of my fourth pregnancy

Next week is going to be super dee duper busy with swim lessons and still watching weston and brynnleigh in the afternoons, so i told her the week after next ould be best, and she remonded me that she will be having a baby that that time, so she asked if we could push it to the next week, so my 12 week appointment will take place when i am 14 weeks... Fingers crossed that i will become UNSICK in the next few days or week!!!!!

yay for second trimester bliss!!! oh how i long for it!!!

Also i was looking into birthing with a placenta previa (since First daughter had diagnosed parcial previa that spotaneously moved at like 35 weeks allowing for a birth au natural) i came across a lot of "you will die's" and stuff of that sort.... but as i was searching through forrums and blogs, i read a few acronyms that i did know UP'ers and UC'ers

So the wild goose chase of finding out what uppers and university of california goers share acromyns with started............... much filtering later i became inlightened Unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth. WOW as much as i want to, i think probably a little TOO crunchy for me.  not so much the birth and pregnancy part, for the most part i just like being left alone, i prefer to not be touched and to just do my own thing anyhow, and it is usually so fast that it doesnt matter who is there. But after wards i dont really have the confidence in my self to asses if my baby is perfect or not.

Let me explain... baby come out: i can get the is baby breathing, is she pink, is she warm, is she hungry parts.... but what about other stuff!?!  i dont even know what could go wrong enough to tell if something IS going wrong... ya feel me!?!  i guess the point is moms instinct should take over and you know what is good and bad with your baby, but for me it is reasuuring to have some one who has seen this many many times more than i, to say "every thing looks perfect" and i am going to stick with that.

At least for this baby...

hipshift kick, ballchange, kick

I am no dancer.... but wht are my hips shifting so MUCH!???????

I feel like a total freak walking like a heavily pregnant woman, and there is absolutley no sign of the baby inside, ugh

Step shift, step shift....stop grimmace, step shift, stop take a breath... try to walk like i tight ass.... step shift, grimmace... sit down and pout :(  do it over again!!

And you can just forget pushing a shopping buggy **sigh**

Somedays it isnt so bad, but on the days that i cant help it regardless of how stupid i walk, i just feel like crying, my pelvic bone rubbing like two stones trying to start a fire every time i walk is unbearable and i am not sure what i was thinking getting pregnant again!!!!! stupid stupid STUPID!!!

okay well i just freaking love babies!!!! but still there aint nothn' beautifull about my pregnancies until that baby come out... but oh how cute they are :)

even sitting in a chair is like torture... its fine at first, but then i start getting the ache in my pelvic bone and know i have sat too long (5-10 minutes) so husband has to help me stand up... and it is like breaking in half shooting pain and burning and i sometimes black out if it is too bad... what have i gotten myself into ::ahhhhhhh::

speaking of sitting to long... i should probably get up from this computer

That got around QUICK

Trust mormon ladies to spread the News of a new pregnancy, like laughing cow cheese on a club cracker (not the best analogy but i am hungry for cheese spread, and club crackers)

I sit down in our pew, some how making it there on time (first time in like MONTHS) and we hang out quietly getting settled and then jill sits down in front of me... looks down at my somewhat thickening waist and says "baby is starting to show"

Wow i was shocked, like actually and truley caught off guard!!! that was so stinking fast!!!! She was so sure of herself too, like not a question like, i heard you are expecting, but like wow hey fatty look at your pudge showing LOL

We are somewhat close friends, when i am not as busy and as sick as i have been, so i wasnt offended by her comment, just rendered speachless by the thought of gossip speeding from phone line to phone line fast than i can spit... still the shock is lingering

I said "oh, ::pause look down put hand on pudge:: yeah i guess so, ::sheepish smile:" then the usual berage of questions: when are you due(jan), how have you been feeling (lies about how i have been a little sick, i just dont feel right saying... I AM DYING, DYYYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG throw up lots of it ZOFRAN, DYING.... how would our conversation continue after that haha) Are you hoping for a boy or girl (oh i know it is a girl) followed by accusing eyes of you are nuts for assuming you just know haha

Man i hope baby is a girl because i have told every one how we just know it is a girl... wont i feel dumb after being so self assured lol

the rest of church was the same thing every time i smiled at/passed anyone "in the know" so every one

oh yeah then after the usuall barage, the recount of all the pregnant ladies in the ward...

 i love being LDS it is always exiting, even the most mundane of things... not that pregnancy is mundane but still

the cat is out of the bag

Tonight at a relief society event (food storage iron chef) i let the cat out of the bag!

I has been so hard to keep it a secret, for obvious reasons like me being sick as a dog (what a dumb phrase) and also because every one in the Primary presidency is pregnant "except for anitra" wells now we all know come the new year the baby poop will hit the fan(that was dumb too but what evs)

Me and a few other ladys were listening to a quite pregnant friend talk about her escapades during this (her Fifth) pregnancy and we were passing around a sweet little 1 month old girl another friend had brought to the party, and they started chatting about how every one in the primary pregnancy is pregnant... started naming them and guessing how far along they were, and then i chime in, "and me, i am 10 weeks" ::nod and bashful smile::

OH congrats, this makes how many!?!  FOUR, half smile and a looming look of doom. haha

And that was it, i am not sure how long it will take to get around but now it is out  ::shewwwww::

Glad to get it off my chest