pregnancy tea and me

My midwife has talked about her recipe and love of pregnancy tea, since the first time i met her...

Turns out, there is a good reason for that!! Raspberry leaf tea has changed my pregnancy, for the better of course

I am 25 weeks pregnant and i look so skinny still!!! Even dear husband has made earnest mention of it.

The golden rule in my house is, whilst pregnant don't talk about my weight!! If you say i am looking swollen i might hurt you, if you say i am looking good, i will hurt you (lying is a sin, so don't do it) if you try to drop hints about how skinny i was BEFORE or say silly/stupid things when i am complaining like, "but you are eating for two" or "there is a baby in you belly" then those will be your last words.

But yesterday hubs said, " i hope baby is growing okay, because this is the best you have ever looked in pregnancy"

As off putting as that was (you know, cause baby may actually be not growing) i was somewhat flattered... then i was a little offended because i know how much bigger i get when i am baking a baby.

I have mentioned how much this tea makes me go (go as in... to the bathroom... to pee) it like a diuretic without the uncomfortable diarrhea part. Literally i drink one (rather large)mug of it then about an hour later i am peeing like a horse... i do not hydrate the way i should and yet so much liquid is leaving my body!!!

I am not swollen i feel like i can squat without fear of my calves bursting, i can keep up with my kids, my belly even seems tighter, less belly more baby if you get my meaning.

but the BIGGEST difference is my FACE. My face swells get fat retains water catches rogue calories, what ever you want to say, the moment i stop throwing up from morning sickness my face balloons to huge proportions... it had already started to this pregnancy, and now i seem to look skinnier again, after a few weeks of tea every morning!!!

I may be talking it up to much, but when husband goes out of his way to break my golden rule, and maybe even offend me, and also worsen my baby worrying, then i know he sees a difference.

and that is that

Running hot

This baby is making my blood boil...

I swear i am so freaking HOT all the time, i am freezing my family out of the house, haha

Thank goodness it is getting cooler outside, otherwise out electricity bill would be to much to handle.

A few days ago, it was so nice and cool out, like low 60's, i decided to go mow the lawn, i told the husband to go weed eat and i would push the mower (a little light exercise would do me some good) i got on a yoga top and some wind shorts(the kind i usually wear over a swimsuit... and went outside to finally after what seems like 6 months, CATCH MY BREATH!!! it was so refreshing, the wind would blow and i would let cool me to the core.

Husband walked out of the house just as i was pulling the lawn mower out... dressed in long pants, long sleeves, gloves... then he said he was going back inside to get a jacket!!!!

I dont think i am running THAT hot right now, but it was pretty funny! Me wearing almost nothing, and solid hunk of muscle and testosterone husband all bundled up like a pansy :D (no one tell him i said that)

now at night my kids are getting on their fleecy pj's and slippers, and i am turning the thermostat down to near freezing temperatures, and walking around in a cami and capris, still sweating... i blame it on too much estrogen!!!

I love fall!!! I appreciate it even more after the brutal summer of swim lessons that little Ms Murry Jane and i had to endure!!!

i did actually have to put on a hoody this morning, while painting outside as the wind was quite bitter... still loved every minute of it though!!

My maybe not so syndrome baby

Sleep is almost certainly out of the question here lately...

It all starts as i am putting the kids to bed... little miss murry starts to amp up the kicking

and it doesn't stop until i decided to get up in the morning

I have read (and read and read and read) about trisomy 18 babys, and apparently they don't move much in the womb

So i have obsessed about kicking and moving and any tiny little bump i can detect. For a few days about two weeks ago, i felt NOTHING, i honestly thought little girl had died (which, as i also read is not uncommon, most Trisomy 18 babies don't make it to birth)

And now ALL night long, i can hardly fall asleep, and then staying asleep is a whole new story. I am a light sleeper as it is, so every time i need to roll over, i have to start the fall asleep amidst the war in my womb again! (also every time i potty, like 5 times a night)

i should just give up sleeping now... its coming soon anyways

all the kicks have almost put my mind at ease about having a syndrome baby, but i still cant wait for the next ultrasound :/

ITs a ______!

We made it to Louisiana in about 22 hours!

Husband Drove straight through, he's a trooper!!

The next morning we went and got our box of balloons!

My folks pulled the camper to Sam Houston.

Husband took a nap in the shade

Baby 3, also rested for a split second in the shade!

no he is not asleep haha.

All the family and some friends arrived!

We all stood around to watch the kids open the box.

Daddy had made a bet with the kids... if pink balloons come out and we are having a girl, daddy gets a back massage.

If blue balloons come out and we are having a boy, daddy gets a back massage.

The kids agreed, and the tape was torn off, and...

Its A GiRL!!!

Every one is happy and we all go eat!!

About two hours later Baby Two is sitting next to me, he looks at me surprised and says

"the balloons were pink!"

I said yes they were

He says "we are having a GIRL!!" as if he just realized what that meant

And i said yes we are!

And he smiles very sweet and goes about with what he was doing!

LOVE IT

nothing good ever comes from an ultrasound

Well we had the ultrasound... and i know what we are having... but i wont tell you until we have the big reveal ;)

It was a quite lengthy sonogram, i thought about this a bit while there, but assumed as technology gets better the list of things to check get longer... well i should have known otherwise.

The next day my midwife came over for my appointment, and informed me that there was some issues that the tech had found on our little baby ______.

First off, there is a cyst in baby's brain, which is a soft marker for a few syndromes, like all the trisomy syndromes. But she also informed me that it usually goes away without a problem.

Next thing, i have a high level of amniotic fluid. She tells me not to worry about it, but says the radiologists pointed it out to her to make sure she saw it.

Finally, my baby's kidneys are enlarged. we didn't touch much on this subject, she just said its on the high side of normal...

So she reassured me that this wont conflict with my plans for a home birth, but that i should have another ultrasound in about 10 weeks

After she left i was pretty devastated... not that there was something wrong more because now i know there is problems and there is nothing i can do about it except worry.

Which is exactly what i did... i spent the next 4 hours sitting on the couch researching all of the things she told me about... as a single thing each problem wouldn't be a big deal, but together they are three markers for trisomy 18

I saw the tech looking for clenched hands for a long long time, she even told me that she wanted a picture of the hands opening, and we did eventually see the hands open, and there didn't seem to be rocker feet, though i could have swore i saw an extra toe( but i didn't say anything assuming i was just being paranoid, after having a baby with a deformed foot) the nose and head looked fine, but who says that baby's at 20 week have to show markers already...

I have convinced myself that the cyst isn't a problem, i read some literature about how the cysts are so common they are considering to take them off of the scan requirements because they really usually mean nothing.

But as it turns out kidney problems and amniotic fluid levels are a package deal... so this is what i have been dwelling on, if my little _____ doesn't have trisomy 18 then he/she will have kidney problems! The symptoms of higher amniotic fluid are: unusual abdominal discomfort, increased back pain, shortness of breath, and extreme swelling in your feet and ankles. All except the swelling (though i have swollen a little) i have been having problems with... when i read the symptoms to husband you could see that they were spot on cause he has been hearing me complain about not being able to breath and how bad my belly hurts from the stretching, and the stretch marks that have already cropped up, my back hurting all the time... things that shouldn't be a problem this early on... in fact i am pretty sure i blogged about most of these symptoms... turns out it isn't a 4th baby thing it is a problem in utero thing:(

So i should be packing for my trip home, but instead i am sitting here crying. 

I should be more prepared for bad news because second baby was the only normal ultrasound we have had thus far... First baby was going to have downs(she is perfectly fine), third baby was going to have trisomy 13 (came out just a foot/leg malformation) and now this baby has what seems like bigger problems. Because it isn't just ONE thing this time, it is a group of things and i am older and it just seems more probable, especially since i have been worrying about this exact thing since we were surprised by this pregnancy.

I shouldn't have had an ultrasound... next time i wont. then i could continue having a wonderful pregnancy full of unnamed discomforts but as far as i know a healthy baby_____!

I just cant make up my mind!!

It is three more days until my ultrasound appointment... and i SAID i was going to have a reveal party... but i just cant stand the wait!!!

I have already talked to my family about it, they somewhat thought it was a good idea, not to enthusiastic about the 4th baby...

Its not really going to be a party, more like a "get together with family and we also find out if it is a girl or boy"...  so not much planing involved

But then again i just really really want to know NOW.

I am sure after i find out i will be rather sad about not having waited to have a gender reveal with the family.

So i guess i should just get over it, and wait... grrrrrrrrrrr..... i just want to know!!!!

to be continued...

almost back on track

As my pregnancy sickness subsides, and my clarity returns,  i realize that i am way way behind schedule on my duties... it has taken a good 3-4 weeks to get back to that point in the household chores where i feel somewhat comfortable.

Now i can wake up, and make breakfast, then CLEAN THE KITCHEN, woooohooooo!!

Now i can fold laundry and have the kids help put it up WITHOUT yelling and then throwing up,  yyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!

i can vacuum every few days, with sweeping in between... no more dirty bare feet, yipppppppyyyyyy!!!!!

i feel like my self again, and like i am living/almost thriving in my OWN house.

This feeling of equilibrium comes with the harsh realization that it will not last long... as soon as this baby comes i will be right back too, long hauls of no house work, dotted with short bursts of sporadic cleaning(that doesn't get much accomplished anyways).

I am hoping that i will have my renovations on the upstairs done enough before hand, to do my pre baby deep cleaning so that, that nice clean house feeling lasts longer than a few days :/

On another good note... today is my last day of full time baby sitting... i feel like jumping for joy!!!!!

I know I have been monster Mommy for the past 3-4 months. throwing up, baby sitting other people kids, the step son moving in for a few months... and now today marks the end of all of that, and honestly the tears are close! I can't wait to hold my three babies and tell them how great they are, and then tell them we can have this time to ourselves from now on, "i am just YOUR mommy" no more Mrs. Anitra... no more activities and lunches planned for the masses, we can have what WE like to eat, and do what WE like to do, and not hear complaining and whining all day long!!!!

Its not the kids fault that they hate every thing that we like, that is just the consequence of watching another families children, especially for a family that is on the opposite spectrum of society from us!

I am just having a good morning, and to make it even better (or i don't know maybe it will make it turn for the worse) i am about to start on a quilt for my best friends wedding. 

yay for back to almost normal!!

Lopsided

Since the first few weeks i have noticed a lump on the right side of my lower abdomen... now that my uterus is protruding from my pelvis, i have noticed that the right side is larger and slightly harder than the left side. Back when it was pain and a lump, i had an ultra sound, and there was nothing there.

Now i wonder if there was more to it than the ultrasound showed. A few days ago i experience pain like i had never felt in a pregnancy before, like i had a pulled muscle right on my uterus (it happened while doing laundry) i lasted all day, and for the better part of the day i couldn't move more than just walking from one seat to another. The pain slowly subsided and left me quite sore.

Well now i don't know what to think about my lopsided baby bump... all i get from a google is forums, and those sometimes are good for nothing. A bunch of women saying they are experiencing the same thing... but one could google still birth and get a ton of forums on people having experience this, so in my opinion forums don't help much in these situations.

I did run across one site (from a forum) and i believe it explains my lopsided tummy, and puts my mind at ease.

How the uterus grows and pushes your organs is amazing!!!!

It explains : The enlargement of the uterus during this week is greatest at the site of the placental attachment (usually on the front or back wall), so the uterus has an asymmetrical bulge.


I am willing to accept that! Also on the site is more information to support non medical birth than one could ever possibly wish for!! It is all unbiased and backed with resources,  research or the explanation of not enough research (interesting how many "medical interventions" don't have any research to say it is safer than the natural way).

Also i am going to order a book for my dear husband, "The Birth Partner"... weather he reads it or not is up in the air. I don't need a coach, i have had three births... but it would be nice if he could be having things ready for me as i need them, like warm towels, bowl for placenta, maybe even be confident enough to catch his own child.

Whilst "looking inside the book" on amazon, i found out that my super fast births are actually a condition... just like slow to get started labor, rapid labor, is something that happens to unsuspecting women, and apparently the way i reacted to it was as expected. HAHA Disbelief at how fast the baby is coming, Shock at the amount of pain that has suddenly mounted, Anger toward the birth attendants, lol, completely normal!

Weight Gaining Delima

One way to ensure i gain way to much weight this pregnancy is NEEDING to eat or i will throw up. I believe that my pregnancy sickness is finally waning, but it comes with stipulations: Eat or Vomit

Its an easy decision right? Eat, or vomit... eat or be completely and utterly miserable whilst also throwing up your stomach fluids.

Its not that easy though. First off, with the busy summer schedule that i have bestowed upon myself, it is all but impossible to be eating all the time. Diapers, swim, boo boo's, messes, nosy children, field trips, cleaning, whining, more diapers. Some where in there i not only have to find time to eat, but also find something to eat(that is an even larger problem, being as i can't stand the sight or smell of most every thing)

There is another caveat. A shallow issue to most, but an important issue to me. I like being skinny. I always gain weight in a weird way for pregnancies and i just don't like the way i look or feel... My face gains weight before anything else and my back(not my butt) gets thicker, and then my everything else gains weight.

 Most pregnant women gain enough to fill out their pregnancy clothes in their non pregnant size, and then complain about losing pregnancy weight. Well ladies and gents(or all ladies i guess) i gain enough to fill out my non pregnant sized pregnancy clothes and then go up two sizes by the end (not just because my belly gets bigger) I start off to small for my extra small pregnancy clothes and wind up in a medium by the last month or so. Not only is this bad for my psyche, but also my pocket book... by now,  yes i have the sizes to cover my intense weight gain up to the end of my pregnancy... but i also have to have the clothes to cover my weight loss from a size 11 back to a size 2... not as easy on my pocket book.

I knew a lady in college that was quite small like i am(about 15 lbs smaller acutally), and she had 5 kids and she would gain 100 lbs every child!!!! and then lose it all again... that wasn't her being lazy or anything, that was just how her body handled pregnancy... so i am not as bad off as i could be, but me starting the pregnancy off having to EAT constantly to keep myself well enough to function isn't doing myself any good :(

Baby Names!!

After much deliberation (i guess not that much a few texts) the names have been decided

For a girl: Miranda Jane

For a boy: Henry Asher

The girl name has been decided for long before i was pregnant, but the boy name has come as quite a surprise to me. I had my heart set on Torbin Asher, and the hubs thought that was a terrible name. Me, being the stubborn person that i am, rather than looking for a name that husband likes, i have been spending my time trying to convince him that Torbin is awesome.

Then Yesterday he sends me a text that says Henry Asher... at first i laugh because he has been trying to convince me of Henry since first baby, because he wants to give him the nick name of Hank (not going to happen) But after i laughed i realized how good it really sounds this time... It isnt that the name Changed any, i guess it has been my tastes that have changed, and i like it

I like it so much that i almost want this baby to be a boy, so we can have a little Henry!

But i also still really want a girl!

Swim Lessons and Vomit

I don't believe that i am still "pregnancy sick" i think my vomiting spells are purely circumstantial. For instance, if i don't eat dinner till 7:00 when lunch was 7 hours ago... apparently this baby NEEDS food.

I wake up feeling great in the morning (other than my sinuses draining and swelling) and then if breakfast isn't fast enough i get queasy (easy fix though) and then we pack up and go to swim lessons

This week has been a tough heat wave for the whole of Virginia. So we pack up three umbrellas and lots of water and ice packs and go in nothing but swim suits, and we get there and get out of the car, and my energy is immediately drained. I don't look pregnant yet (just kinda paunchy in the midsection) so people are probably like "what is wrong with that chic?" i drag my self the walk to the pool sit down and try to stifle the urge to vomit... and then continue to feel miserable for the next 3 hours that are swim lessons.

I try to sit in the kiddy pool when it gets unbearable, but (a) you have to pay to go in the pool and (b) it doest help that much because the water is somewhat warm also.

This is the last session of swim (that i or my husband are willing to sign up for) and i am grateful that i wont be sitting out in the heat feeling like i am melting and sweating out my precious few calories that i can keep down.

Summer is almost over and then that bliss full day when i can put on a light hoodie will be upon us!!!

First prenatal appointment

Yesterday, the husband and my self had a sorta unplanned prenatal appointment. My midwife had a baby on the day of our appointment, so we had to move it back to whatever date she was feeling up to coming out, and that day just so happened to be yesterday, three days after the birth of her 7th child! So she came over with her new little baby girl, and you forget how tiny they are when they are so new!!

She filled out my chart, and took blood pressure and listened to the baby's heart beat!! That is always a somewhat nerve wracking thing... no matter how many pregnancies i still get worried that they wont find the heart beat... even though i am sick, and my belly is obviously growing bigger... and she didn't find it immediately, so then i try to keep my internal worrier quite, but until you hear that little thump of horse hoofs it is ALL ANXIETY(on the inside at least, i think if i showed worry then the children and husband would get upset also, so i keep it to myself) and of course when she zeroed in on my little lemon sized baby, Murry kicked the Doppler and swam to another hiding spot!! a real confirmed actual kick!  I suddenly felt quite blessed :)

My next appointment will be right before our trip to Louisiana. I also have to schedule an ultrasound to confirm that Murry, will be a Miranda and not a William<--husbands little joke (what is short for William) lets just say we are a big fan of ghost busters haha

I am thinking of having the ultrasound tech write the sex on a slip of paper and keeping it hidden until LA and then having my aunt bake a gender reveal cake, and cutting the cake at Sam Houston Jones whilst my parents are camping out there, maybe having a bit of a barbecue,  think the kids would get a kick out of it!!

My only concern is if the cake is cut and it is blue there will be me a little on the disappointed side and that wont be much fun for anyone :/ Of course a baby boy will still be a blessing because gosh i love the little babies!!! but then if my whole family is there and they are all happy for another bouncing baby boy than i will likely be uplifted by their excitement.

Its such a silly concern but a concern none the less

At least worrying about the baby's gender has somewhat kept my mind off of the possibility of another baby with a birth defect, it is amazing how much a little bit of a defect like a deformed foot can make life immensely more difficult... in fact we will be taking a trip to Philly this coming Monday for just such defect and i am pretty excited about it, we are quite hopeful that it wont be misdiagnosed this time and maybe we will be fitting his feet in a proper pair of shoes in the near future!!

BIRTH BASHING

Wow, so i just cant stand it anymore!!!!! i have to get it off my chest and my husband is tired of hearing me complain about it...

Excerpt from Anitra's webster
Birth bashing: when moms in the presence of a newly expecting mom/wife who is looking forward to having a child, talk about the worst birthing stories they have had or have heard from a friend

Man oh MANNNNNN does this make me mad

I have strong opinions about child birth and i tend to keep them to myself because one part of my opinion is there is no wrong way... this requires more explaining, but i will get to that later

Let me lay out the scenario:

Newly expecting first time mom sitting around chatting what lady's love to chat about

Experienced mom, starts in with: well i cant live without an epidural...in fact it is physically impossible for me to have a baby without one

another experienced mom chimes in: yeah my second child took 35 hours of laboring and i had to have 3 epidural 5 rounds of pitocine and then a c section because something to do with my physiology

first time mother looks scared so other mothers assure her she will be fine, as long as she doesn't have a home birth because she had a friend that almost died because her midwife was terrible

then another mom not to be outdone by these first stories starts talking about her terrible birth and how terrible the after pain was, and how her episiotomy was this and her d&c was that and how her body will never be the same and so on and so forth

End scenario

i am guilty of talking birth, i have bashed a few hospitals and nurses in my day, but never have i ever ever told anyone especially not a 1st time pregnant mom that birth is a horrible thing

I believe you should do what you think necessary to have your baby, every one is different and every one has their preferred or ideal birth... it is totally up to you what you want/need to do to get your little miracle out with the least bit of damage possible to your body or your baby

But I also believe that 98% percent of women can do it without meds and especially without surgical intervention

I cant stand hearing an expecting mom say, "that sounds terrible" or  even "wow" or that look they get on their faces like what have i gotten myself into

i try to interject most of the times with... "its not that bad" and "you can do it without meds" but as soon as i start with the "well i did it three times without meds" i get those looks/eye rolls from the other moms, or the sly remarks like "well aren't you lucky"

Gosh i am not saying it because i want every one to think i am some super birther(though it is surprising how fast third baby's come out) i just want the conversation to go differently

Better Scenario:

Mom one says "oh you are expecting, how wonderful, i have this great midwife, and my birth was difficult but worth it"

Next mom "having your first baby is kinda scary cause you don't know what to expect, but you are going to kick but cause you are awesome"

Expecting mom "wow i hope so but i just am nervous cause i see such scary things on tv"

Other moms "tv blows it out of proportion, it really isn't that dramatic , i mean it is hard but if we couldn't do it then we wouldn't be here with 4 kids"

Me "just do what you think is right for you and your baby"

other moms agree and say comment on how worth it it is "the first time you see those little eye looking at you and your heart swells and you know that this is what maternal love feels like"

end scenario

So not as dramatic and kinda gushy, there is no reason why you cant punch it up with the funny stuff and maybe a "baby got stuck in one position" or "yes i had a c section but that happens sometime" but do we really need to scare the pants off of our new mothers NO

last time this happened( a few nights ago) i couldn't take it any more... i threw in a bunch reasoning phrases of: don't listen to hers and every loves dramatic stories, a couple of you can do anything you wants  and sited some books... and stormed out and went home... frankly i am sick of hearing about dramatic birth stories

Here is my birth stories:

With every baby, all i wanted was for the dumb doctors to leave me alone so i can push my baby out... they cant keep their stupid hands off of you in the hospital so i spend most of my time telling them to leave me alone(the first two birth i was used as a training guide for new doctors, the lure of crazy hippy mom was too good to pass up i guess, and i am actually glad of it... this is what a real birth looks like NEWBS you can do it without epidurals and forceps), and then the contractions turn to that feeling of needing to push and i give it hell(probably more than i should cause i always pop blood vessels in my face) and have a baby and they are beautiful, and then they are whisked away quicker than i can spit instead of letting me just love and feed my new little delight... and they totally are a delight those first few weeks, when they eat sleep and poop... life is simple and their needs are simple and they are so wrinkles and cute... yes it is tiring and you feel like a zombie but it doesn't last forever... so this one i need to have at home so i can ensure that ALL my desires are met, i don't want the cord cut, i don't want the placenta yanked out, i don't want the baby to have a bath(until i can give her one), i want to cuddle her warm, without the use of those ridiculous incubator beds gosh i just want to do it how i feel i need to do it!!!!!!

i don't personally think that my story would scare any moms into having medical intervention... and if it did than i would keep my trap shut!!

So in a nut shell... America, and humans in general, thrive on drama, and bringing life into this world doesn't have to be dramatic, and i want old moms to stop scaring new moms, gosh there are so many other things to complain about ( like boobs, and wrinkles, and men) why do we focus on birth!!!

now i must go cook dinner... good bye

A Turning Point?

Well today i felt nauseated all day long... but just mildy!!! a mild persistent nausea with no vomiting and no meds. i am feeling hopeful

I even cleaned the entire house... took me about 8 hours! I am feeling like myself again and that is a good thing. Having a mental fog is something that you dont really understand until you have it. And mental fog is the exact way to describe it. I feel like today the fog has lifted and i can almost think clearly! i even think my kids noticed that i was feeling better and they had a good day too! :~)

** edit **
this morning i woke up in bad shape!!

threw up twice today, and have generally felt like crappola(thats a word)

soooooo NO not a turning point

i hate me :(

Still sick... at 13 weeks

I will be celebrating 13 weeks this Sunday, and it wont be including any happy dances... i am still sick!!!

It has been more than miserable, and that is even after i have zofran in the mornings and unisom at night...WILL IT EVER STOP!!!!

i try to take comfort in knowing that:

-I am not the only one
-Sick me means healthy baby
-it should be over soon
-it will be worth it in the end
-i have a supportive and understanding husband
-i only throw up once a day(some times none if i fight it really hard)
-chocolate makes me sick so i dont have to worry about those calories
-... thats all i can come up with right now

There is a little hint of good news! there is a little hint of belly :) squeee

i dont know why having the belly is important to me, i think what it is, possible that me looking miserable is validated by my noticeable "with child" look

Today i have to do some late afternoon shopping, which is always a delight ::rolls eyes:: due to my being most sick at nights, starting around 5:00... yes crisis hour! Crisis hour is when i feel sickest hurray for my family, mom is down and out at the exact time when we need her most!!

Today i realized this may be my last child, not sure if i am happy or sad about that :/

I cant keep putting my family through the misery of pregnancy... it honestly takes a toll on every one!!

made an appointment today

Today i made a "12"week appointment with my midwife

This will be the first actual check up of my fourth pregnancy

Next week is going to be super dee duper busy with swim lessons and still watching weston and brynnleigh in the afternoons, so i told her the week after next ould be best, and she remonded me that she will be having a baby that that time, so she asked if we could push it to the next week, so my 12 week appointment will take place when i am 14 weeks... Fingers crossed that i will become UNSICK in the next few days or week!!!!!

yay for second trimester bliss!!! oh how i long for it!!!

Also i was looking into birthing with a placenta previa (since First daughter had diagnosed parcial previa that spotaneously moved at like 35 weeks allowing for a birth au natural) i came across a lot of "you will die's" and stuff of that sort.... but as i was searching through forrums and blogs, i read a few acronyms that i did know UP'ers and UC'ers

So the wild goose chase of finding out what uppers and university of california goers share acromyns with started............... much filtering later i became inlightened Unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth. WOW as much as i want to, i think probably a little TOO crunchy for me.  not so much the birth and pregnancy part, for the most part i just like being left alone, i prefer to not be touched and to just do my own thing anyhow, and it is usually so fast that it doesnt matter who is there. But after wards i dont really have the confidence in my self to asses if my baby is perfect or not.

Let me explain... baby come out: i can get the is baby breathing, is she pink, is she warm, is she hungry parts.... but what about other stuff!?!  i dont even know what could go wrong enough to tell if something IS going wrong... ya feel me!?!  i guess the point is moms instinct should take over and you know what is good and bad with your baby, but for me it is reasuuring to have some one who has seen this many many times more than i, to say "every thing looks perfect" and i am going to stick with that.

At least for this baby...

hipshift kick, ballchange, kick

I am no dancer.... but wht are my hips shifting so MUCH!???????

I feel like a total freak walking like a heavily pregnant woman, and there is absolutley no sign of the baby inside, ugh

Step shift, step shift....stop grimmace, step shift, stop take a breath... try to walk like i tight ass.... step shift, grimmace... sit down and pout :(  do it over again!!

And you can just forget pushing a shopping buggy **sigh**

Somedays it isnt so bad, but on the days that i cant help it regardless of how stupid i walk, i just feel like crying, my pelvic bone rubbing like two stones trying to start a fire every time i walk is unbearable and i am not sure what i was thinking getting pregnant again!!!!! stupid stupid STUPID!!!

okay well i just freaking love babies!!!! but still there aint nothn' beautifull about my pregnancies until that baby come out... but oh how cute they are :)

even sitting in a chair is like torture... its fine at first, but then i start getting the ache in my pelvic bone and know i have sat too long (5-10 minutes) so husband has to help me stand up... and it is like breaking in half shooting pain and burning and i sometimes black out if it is too bad... what have i gotten myself into ::ahhhhhhh::

speaking of sitting to long... i should probably get up from this computer

That got around QUICK

Trust mormon ladies to spread the News of a new pregnancy, like laughing cow cheese on a club cracker (not the best analogy but i am hungry for cheese spread, and club crackers)

I sit down in our pew, some how making it there on time (first time in like MONTHS) and we hang out quietly getting settled and then jill sits down in front of me... looks down at my somewhat thickening waist and says "baby is starting to show"

Wow i was shocked, like actually and truley caught off guard!!! that was so stinking fast!!!! She was so sure of herself too, like not a question like, i heard you are expecting, but like wow hey fatty look at your pudge showing LOL

We are somewhat close friends, when i am not as busy and as sick as i have been, so i wasnt offended by her comment, just rendered speachless by the thought of gossip speeding from phone line to phone line fast than i can spit... still the shock is lingering

I said "oh, ::pause look down put hand on pudge:: yeah i guess so, ::sheepish smile:" then the usual berage of questions: when are you due(jan), how have you been feeling (lies about how i have been a little sick, i just dont feel right saying... I AM DYING, DYYYYYYYYIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG throw up lots of it ZOFRAN, DYING.... how would our conversation continue after that haha) Are you hoping for a boy or girl (oh i know it is a girl) followed by accusing eyes of you are nuts for assuming you just know haha

Man i hope baby is a girl because i have told every one how we just know it is a girl... wont i feel dumb after being so self assured lol

the rest of church was the same thing every time i smiled at/passed anyone "in the know" so every one

oh yeah then after the usuall barage, the recount of all the pregnant ladies in the ward...

 i love being LDS it is always exiting, even the most mundane of things... not that pregnancy is mundane but still

the cat is out of the bag

Tonight at a relief society event (food storage iron chef) i let the cat out of the bag!

I has been so hard to keep it a secret, for obvious reasons like me being sick as a dog (what a dumb phrase) and also because every one in the Primary presidency is pregnant "except for anitra" wells now we all know come the new year the baby poop will hit the fan(that was dumb too but what evs)

Me and a few other ladys were listening to a quite pregnant friend talk about her escapades during this (her Fifth) pregnancy and we were passing around a sweet little 1 month old girl another friend had brought to the party, and they started chatting about how every one in the primary pregnancy is pregnant... started naming them and guessing how far along they were, and then i chime in, "and me, i am 10 weeks" ::nod and bashful smile::

OH congrats, this makes how many!?!  FOUR, half smile and a looming look of doom. haha

And that was it, i am not sure how long it will take to get around but now it is out  ::shewwwww::

Glad to get it off my chest

Fightin the good fight... with insurance

Let me just start by saying that Lori the midwife came over, and she was wonderful. Totally open to anything, not pushy, but she has her own opinions. So yes, wonderful. She sat there while i had a Vomit Crisis with one of the boys that i watch, ad didn't seen to be bothered by it at all. Although i felt pretty bad that her first 30 minutes here was me getting him cleaned up and calling his parents and getting him on his way home.

So she answered every question i could come up with and listened to my concerns and the why i hate hospitals rants and added her own stories, and i just felt quite comfortable around her, and she talked to my children(you know that is a plus, that is all anybody wants right? to have their children appreciated the way that they do) and leaned their names.

We also addressed the insurance issue!!!! She didn't seem put off by BCBSfep (federal employee program) and outlined what i need to say to them and how to get them to work with a home birth. I felt quite confident that i was going to be able to persuade them to cover her.

What i needed to do:

File for and exception
Tell them my midwife is licenced
tell them i need a home birth and my area is under served
talk to a manager if i have to

What i did:

All of the above, politely

What i was told:

I call you back tomorrow

********************************* Fast forward  ***************************

The next day comes around, it is almost closing time, and no call back (not that i expected one)

So i called them back, Asked for Pat (if that is even her real name) gave them her extension

She gets on the phone and explains:

She talked to her manager
Her manager said a home birth is a personal decision
There are plenty of doctors that can deliver a healthy baby in my area
and they are preferred providers

What i say:

There are no midwifes in my area that will attend a home birth that is a preferred provider
And it is not just my opinion it is was i need
And her managers opinion is not what i care about

So we went back and forth for a while, even though i knew wasn't going to get anywhere, i just wanted to make sure her day had a sucky end... I am not new to insurance idiots, i had tricare for almost a decade!!

So tomorrow i will call back and talk to someone different, and get their opinion... eventually i will find the one person that shares my opinion and let me "file an exception"

I know this will work because the google says it will

All Hail the google

The google knows aaaaalllllll

homeopathics

I had given up all hope... life had shunned me and vomit was my new reality

Then i saw on my "modern mommy app" an article about homeopathic morning sickness remedies

It starts off talking about how ginger and saltines don't help those mommies with severe morning sickness, and pharmaceuticals aren't a good answer... WOW how did it know at this very moment i was struggling against throwing up and completely debilitated, Though i had to get up and get ready for our big day at the kids market and baby sitting!?!

So i googled a homeopathic place in the burg, and what do you know the park that kids market was at is RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD from the homeopathy place! what what

i poured on some essential oils, vomited, ate a few bites of toast vomited, then chewed some peppermint gum and packed up and headed to my destiny

The lady at the place was not the usual homeopathic expert that is their, so she answered my questions with some kind of gibberish and left me more confused that ever, but what i found out was

~you must not touch the pellets
~you cannot drop the pellets
~ you must dissolve the pellets under your tongue

There were many options in choosing which remedy i needed, i chose the:

"Nux Vomica: Nausea is worse in the morning and from eating. The stomach is very sensitive to pressure. If necessary, Nux Vomica can be taken in alternation with Ipecacuanha."

Well all i can say is wow... I had to use pretty hard core medicine with the first three babies, that was after aroma therapy, vitamin therapy, acupressure, self hypnosis, and a slue of other random things that always seemed to make me feel more and more depressed about being pregnant.

It doesn't take ALL the nausea away, but it definitely takes the edge off, enough for me to shove some high protein food in my mouth, which then gets me able to function. Also tic tacs, yes you red that right, Tic Tacs are a wonderful fix for a slight stomach upset. So i am not sick enough to justify a pellet of what ever is in homeopathic remedies, but i do feel like i need something... Tic Tac!!

I hope this continues to work! I am feeling quite hopeful even excited about being pregnant. Maybe this one will be a beautiful pregnancy, maybe i can enjoy the next 8 months of my life, maybe i should have tried homeopathy 5 years ago, then i may have been able to finish my bachelors.........

or not whatever ;)

Get Down With the Sickness

Today(mothers day) marks the beginning of the misery. I was hopeful... "not this time" I would say...."i am in better health" i would reason.... "its all in my head" i pleaded

Alas it is not so. I am sick, all day 'morning sickness'

I don't know how i am to cope with this, it is of course a challenge every time. But this time, oh on, THIS TIME i cant even imagine how i am going to live!?! Starting in three weeks i will be running an in home summer day care, the plans are already set, and the summer is going to b packed with outings and field trips. Me trying to cope with throwing up all day and at the same time taking care of 6 children. i am having a hard time coping with the THOUGHT of it, i honestly don't know if i am going to survive :(

i must go my 18 month old wants to type a bit on his blog
;A;O3l;e;aePOEAHHUwyJRT4

Names names names

Miranda was our first pick, and we definitely love the idea of calling our little baby girl Murry

and we were even going to get a onsie with bill Murry on it, and it would be awesome sauce

and her growing up with her nearest and dearest friends calling her Murry, is such a sweet notion to me.

But now there is this other name... it has struck a cord and i cant let it go

Piper

Doesn't it just reek of cute and quirky!?!

doesn't it DOESN'T IT!?!?!?

only 6 weeks in and i am having name battles (not a good sign, not a good sign at all)

How important is a home birth really?

When it come right down to it, all that really matters... is money.

"NO no no", you are saying. "That is not what cliches have taught me" You may think for instance "love is all you need" or "money cant buy happiness" or "when in Rome do as the Romans do" (well okay that last one doesn't fit)

I am here to tell you that, in my country(which is also very likely yours also), you cant do anything or have anything without money.

you may be happy-ish or you may have love (i know i do) but without money(and a good deal of it) you are stuck doing what every body else wants you to do, when they want you to do it

I guess you aren't exactly stuck, you can do what ever you want, if you don't mind doing some time in the clink(haha lingo like i have been there)

Though home births are touted as being cheaper than hospital births....for the average lower income American family, i don't believe that to be true.

We have insurance... we are forced to have insurance, and we being of little means have the cheapest insurance that my husbands job offered. This means that if we use a preferred provider than insurance with cover their share, but seeing a provider that takes blue cross blue shield but is not a preferred provider (meaning basically that they do not bill patients the way that BCBS wants) then our insurance will pay exactly 0% of the bills.

Maternity coverage for a BCBS preferred provider  will 100% care and tests, and $150 limit on the hospital stay

Maternity coverage with an out of network midwife, $3500... that is her total, everything included (test will be covered by insurance)

Though the actual bill from the hospital will total about 9000 dollars i will pay only $150, considerable cheaper than $3500

Now the real question is how badly do i NEED an out of hospital birth? My immediate answer is, "money is no object and a hospital isn't an option unless for an absolute emergency"

But the real answer is "we cant afford, a better birth"

We tried to cancel insurance... with the 300 dollars a month we pay towards insurance that we haven't used in 10 months (because we cant afford to go to the doctors whilst paying so much for insurance) we could be paying towards a midwife (that would leave about 150 dollars to pay out of our pocket to make it to 3500 by the birth of 4bangerbaby)
 but we couldn't change our insurance policy until "open season" the two weeks when husbands work has deemed it acceptable to make our own decisions about life. So we are stuck until November with an insurance plan that we don't want.


There is another option:

A birthing center, an hour away. Insurance covers them, but although we are within their 50 mile radius, they wont drive to us for a home birth... their reason, traffic!!!!!!! Thank you dc traffic for ruining our life!!! and my ideal home birth experience

i could drive there and have my baby, but the dilemma is, 3stroke baby(know as B3) came precisely one hour after i went into labor

it is my (and husbands) thinking that we will have a baby in the car on the way to Alexandria.

So how important is a home birth to you?

A huntin' we will go, for a midwife

Allow me to recap on the last three babies in as few words as possible:

Institutionalized, Stressful, Unconnected, Deceitful 

I guess that makes it sounds terrible, though none of my births have been bad, they have all left me with a bitter regret of not doing a home birth

Either because i was young and naive or because the "midwifes" didn't care about my wants and needs, or because the doctors think their Sh** don't stink... i have had one glaring problem or another, regardless of hospital or birthing center or military base.

So this one i decided, against all of my friends and families wishes, to do a home birth. Well, i haven't told anyone outside of my house so i really couldn't tell you for sure if it would be against their wishes but they all think i am radical for some reason and i doubt this would be much different "there she goes being a hippy again" haha i say this in good humor, cause i really am kind of a hippy :P

I have a friend that has had four successful home births and loves her midwife, CPN, so i emailed her a few days ago and got her midwifes info.

I did a bit of research on her before calling and found a little bit of questionable information... for instance she had her license to practice suspended, for two cases, one which resulted in the death of a baby. After looking through the paper case work and a few news articles i came to my own conclusion that her only fault was doing what the mother wanted.

I also ran across a good deal of Good Reviews, people saying how much they love her and how great their birth experience was, and this was helpful.

I also looked up some CNM's and the closest ones were in Alexandria, and Richmond, neither of which would drive to me because traffic in the dc metro area is HORRENDOUS. Even though i was in the 50 mile radius for the Alexandria midwifes they didn't want to sit in traffic :/ they instead said i should drive to them. NOT going to happen... Baby 3 came one hour after i started feeling contractions, my water broke when his HEAD ruptured it, i don't think driving an hour away would be conducive to a pleasant birth experience, nor would my car smell nice afterwards!!!

So i scheduled to meet with my Lori on Monday, during babysitting time, so hopefully it will go smoothly and she and i connect

I have always wanted to have a midwife that actually cared about me and my baby. Someone who didn't just see me as another miserable pregnant lady with a big dollar sign stamped to my for head

I have at times felt like my midwife cared, only to come to the delivery room at midnight and them leave a few minutes later... or to not even call and see how things are going, or to come say i am doing good, but they are going on break and never come back :/

Maybe my expectations are just to high, but i don't think so. I have this idealistic view of "midwifes before hospital births" The local grama's and experienced moms rush over to so and so's house just in time to see the midwife (the village elder with 55 grand kids, whose been waiting patiently at the house for the past few days for labour to start) deliver the baby and hand her over to the new mom... there are hugs and love all around, pats on the backs and offers to clean up and make dinner... the dad is beaming and proud and relieved and the whole village celebrates that night while the new parents get acquainted with the newest town addition. Cheesy Yes, True, i think at some point it was... 

i am no scholar but wouldn't the world be a better place if every new baby was a community celebration.

Baby Wearing When Expecting

Today i had the Craving!!! The unmistakable craving of spring, that perfect weather promoting, no spiders yet liberating, Craving to go LETTERBOXING!!!!

We packed up the children and our backpack and the baby carrier and set of on a 15 Box adventure. 

When we got there i decided i would do the baby wearing this time. I tied on the meitie and traveled on a mostly up hill and quite muddy trail... I was okay so long as we were moving but when we stopped to eat snacks my back would start aching... by the time we made it back to the Mom mobil(8 boxes short) My back was screaming!!! and a little later i was feeling quite crampy. 

Lesson learned: shorter hikes, and more rests

i wonder how the baby wearing will go the bigger I get, B3 is not the small featherweight child B1 was and dwarfs B2(whom at the time i thought was a monster) at this age

Baby 3 Just got to where he semi enjoys being in the carrier and it would be a shame to not be able to where it especially since i took the time to make it for him (tute here)

We've got a busy weekend planned!! 

We didn't hold out long

My latest project (an on going terror of projects) has been making summer clothing for the children... I have three more shirts to make for  B2 and then i can move onto MEEEEEEEEE

So me and the Mister were discussing the Washi Dress and how great it will be for early summer pregnancy body... we all know the kind where you can't suck in any more but it doesn't look like a baby belly yet and its summer so you cant hide behind layers, so really you just look fat.

I digress, we were talking about the dress and B1 chimes in, and i wink at the Man and he smiles and looks at the girl, and i say "this dress will be perfect for my growing belly"

She says "oh" and goes back to not caring

Well that was less than satisfying, so husband says it again "for mommies growing belly"

Still not clicking with her

I say "my belly will be getting bigger"

She kinda smiles and says "like there's a baby in it"

And Me and Husband Smile at her nodding

And then it clicks "WE are having another BABY!?!"

We have to explain not until January, but she seems perfectly content with thinking a baby sister is a possibility!

Almost 5 weeks and still not sick yet, that must be a good sign!!!

A Modern Pregnant Lady

I am now a Modern Pregnant lady, with modern pregnancy gadgets!!

Introducing the Baby Center My Pregnancy App

Well i don't know how long this has been out, but i certainly didn't have it with the last 3 babies!!! Gone are the days of logging onto the googler and searching for "my baby at 4 weeks pregnant"

pshhh so old fashion

Now my PHONE gives me updates daily on how my little chai seed is doing!!

We have decided that we aren't going to tell anybody our little surprise! Why not let it be a secret between us, i love having inside jokes with the Mister ::smiles lovingly::

It'll be hard keeping it from first baby though, she has been very insistent that we have another baby, and not just any baby a GIRL and that is the most important thing for her... Oh the despair when she arrived at the hospital for B3 and discovered it was a HE! She actually cried real tears of disappointment (the silent kind, that you know she is trying to be a big girl but really really wanted a sister kind). Though it didn't take long (5 minutes tops) for her to warm up to her new baby brother.

It'll be even HARDER because me and the man keep referring to Murry, and she keeps asking who that is! Of course he says Bill Murry and she looks confused then rolls her eyes at him like he is so stupid haha

B2 is blissfully oblivious and probably will stay that way until evidence of a new baby begins to show, mainly because he doesn't care HaHa yet another reason to love him more :P

Introducing my Four banger baby

Yesterday I woke up at 2:00 AM and had a terrible urge to relieve myself... i slid out from under the arm of baby number three and stumbled out of bed, walked to the bathroom, and decided for no apparent reason to take an EPT (i usually have them in the medicine cabinet, because we natural family plan and you never know) I wasn't late for Aunt Flo and i wasn't feeling anything but the need to pee!

I did my deed closed up the cap and set it on the tub and watched as the blue dye flowed across the window, slowing at the + mark and then leaving no trace of a positive result. I breathed a sigh of relief and dozed off a bit on the toilet... when I looked up again i notice a faint blue line had appeared ::loss of consciousness::

Just kidding i didn't faint, but i did have a small panic attack, and saw the last year of my life with B3 pass before my eyes (he is my very definition of a hard baby!!!).

I went back to bed slowly slid under the covers next to the ticking time bomb baby, shook the old man awake, and handed him the test. He blinked at it a few times, then seemed to fall back asleep. I said wake up (in a rather harsh tone) and he said sleepily, the more i look at it the more it looks like there is a line there.

At that I laugh because it was just to much... husband is so funny when he is half asleep, and he doesn't even know it ( i later told him his comment and he didn't even remember me showing him lol)

We talked about it in the morning and i mentioned my disappointment in being pregnant, and how i am completely flabbergasted because out of all the months that we could have gotten pregnant this was the least likely month for it to happen (lets just say we have been to tired to make babies). He agreed it was a surprise and then said at least we know it will be a girl. I conquered and we named her Murry (short for Miranda, a Serenity reference)

And our Four Banger baby begins her journey (A throwback to my VW days)